My blog

Our town recently got a shiny new Super Wal Mart, a much bigger, newer version of the dank dystopia that was our old Un-super Wal Mart. One thing you can always count on though, people abandoning random groceries in the check-out line . I think we have all been there. You are standing in the check-out line and you remember that you don't have unlimited money, metabolism, or space, and you can't buy everything. Decisions must be made. Here's how I imagine some of those decisions going down: Mom: "Where did these frogs come from?" Kid: "IWANNIT!" Mom: "No. Also are you done looking at that book? Because we aren't buying that either." I've been there. I figure letting my kid peruse a book I have no intention of buying is how the store purchases some peace for the general customer population. (Plus payback for strategically putting all the gum and candy where kids can grab it and I can't stop them.) "Oh look, they make chips out of...

Some time in college I realized that I was skilled enough at Photoshop that there is no reason for an unflattering picture of me to ever exist. I am a big fan of having family pictures but not a big fan of posing for family pictures. It's painful. I just want one blasted picture with everyone in the family looking as skinny and happy as possible, also PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN AND LOOK AT THE CAMERA RUFFIANS! Is that so much to ask? Yes. It. Is. The only way I get the picture I want is through Photoshop witchery, including but not limited to: Head-transplants Lighting adjustments Color adjustments Body swapping Just straight-up painting on people's facial features from scratch However, over time, and after many perfect family picture prints, I have realized that I am depriving the world of how things really are during our family pictures. Behold, the family picture rejects: McBoy McGirly McBaby He's a baby, so even the rejected pictures are actually pretty cute. Handsome Bryce ...